Dad

I had a miss call today,took a look at it and realize that my brother called me, and so i called back which he asked where you go? i said go out as usual with that bit of unhappiness inside my voice like who is he to care,bt what he said next totally threw me off my chair,he said "papa sheng bing liao,kuai dian hui lai" which means dad is sick,come home quickly...so immediately i rush to take the next train home,on my way...i ask about the details.

My dad was working as usual when he suddenly felt dizzy and vomitted and sort fo fainted...thats when his friend working with him sent him back home,BUT without anyone at home,not me nor my brother...and it was only after that he called my brother which was over at my mum's working place cause she isnt in town and he went home immediately,thats when he called me.

On my way home...i thought bout it,flashback came to me again...on the train...the bus the walk home...throughout the years he was the best dad one can ever had,though i've NEVER EVER shown it in my action or words,words can never describe all that he had done for me,or in actual fact this family. Throughtout the years never in my memory has he once fallen ill...or maybe he did but just because it was such a small illness like a flu or a cough,nobody thought anything of it...in my memory,this is the 3rd time in recent years he's down...and this time is infact the most serious time.

Guilt overtook me again...i went out without telling anyone,what if something happens to my dad...i called him just before going out asking him where my brother was,but i did not tell him im going out...what IF something really happens to him? though i try to deceive myself,but fact is...hes old,or growing old...times when i look at him from behind from the ever strong guy that could carry me and my brother each on 1 of his arms playing around with us till now,the man that is still doing the same thing the same chores,cooking..mopping the floor...time have change me and my brother have all change,i used to look at him upwards..now its the otherway,but the only person that has yet to change is him,my dad,hes still doing what he used to do for us over all this years...

Yes he doesnt earn alot,yes he works in a factory,yes he doesnt owns a car,SO WHAT? He's still my dad,like what he told me the other time " No matter what,im still your father" he 'told' me this when we were in the middle of an argument...yes,no matter whats happens hes still my dad,always will be...another time also in an argument,he ask why i've become so bad over the years,from bad to worst...did i learn it from somewhere, my friends or what? i said,all the bad thing came from you and mum,its never gonna change,its inside my blood...years after that,i wanna say...Dad,everything good that i have inside of me,i have it from you...really,if anything is gonna happen to my dad,pls...dun come too soon,my dad has been sowing all his life,he hasnt had a change to reap the result yet,so please i beg you...dun come too soon,not just yet...if theres anything i can do to,i'll do it...i learn CPR hoping that it'll come in useful one day..bt not on my dad,i work to lighten my dads load,but it may not seem that way,still i'll do whatever its takes...WHATEVER IT TAKES

he doesnt earn alot to give us the best,yes he cannot give me and my brother the best,but it was the best he could give us and the family,yes he works in a factory,so? its a decent living,a decent job...even though it takes a toll on his health,he still does it,for us,yes he doesnt owns a car,its ok...we dont have a need for a car,better off using public transport.

Right at that moment,when i see him lying on bed...i walk up to my brother,asking 'ta tu de na mo li hai,zhe mo ban?' but he replied ' bu yong jin de la...mei chi dou zhe yang de ma,wo na li dong' it was till then i realize that...my brother was always looking up to me,im the only one that can hold this family together if anything ever happens,but there i am...not knowing what to do,or what should i even do if anything ever gonna happens.

joy,if only you were here...you'll give me advice